Today has been a good day for me.
I had a song in my head most of the time, one of the songs that I posted on your facebook after you passed away. I will post it on here as well. I heard it the other day, driving to church, and I just started bawling. I don't know if it was due to the fact that I was overwhelmed by how God used it to remind me that all I need is Him, or if it made me think of you. Lately, its like I don't know how to pinpoint any of my emotions or feelings for/about anything. I hope that counseling will help to sort all that out... or the medication. As well as starting counseling yesterday I started taking an anti-depressant. I never wanted to be one to be on medication to help me feel good, but I feel like I am also to the point where I am tired of feeling miserable and sad all the time. I really just don't to process everything at the moment. I just want to be back to normal. I know, without you here, my life will not be normal, as it used to be... but I want to be able to feel things again.
I think tomorrow, after work, I will go to the cemetery. I have not been there since your funeral. I think I have definitely been avoiding it. I will take you a pretty flower/plant- pink, your favorite. I guess I should get to bed now. Love you, honey.
Nickie
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